Late night wine and thoughts of you..

I've stayed up since my birthday thinking of you. It has been over a year since the last time we spoke and the moment I see you...you are all I can think about. I'm loosing sleep over you again, thinking about you constantly, so much so that I dream of you.

I miss you.

She was beautiful from what I can recall; the alcohol had blurred my mind but not even the alcohol could dim our spark. A part of me is glad I didn't say hello, because our hellos are never just a simple greeting.

As I sit here telling my best friend about you, about how I miss you and how I wish I wasn't so gravitated towards you; I realize that after eight long years we're still here and I know you think of me as I think of you. Why else would you tell our mutual acquaintance to pass on a hello? It's okay to admit you miss me, I miss you too.

Maybe one day things will be or maybe they wont...but thank you for the memories..

Terrible car crashes totally change your life...

It is interesting how one moment you can be laughing with your best friend on your way to grab food, and the next your life is flashing before your eyes. Not only does it put things into perspective but it changes you to your core; the person you were no longer matters and what you thought you knew turns you really didn't. People who you never thought would be there for you are, new friends show you that they care and you realize that friends you thought were life long...aren't.

How do you maneuver your new way of thinking? How do you cut off friends you thought loved you? I don't know, I am taking everything one day at a time.

All I know is that it is hard and though my feelings are running high, I am trying my very best. Trying to be a better person, to be better for myself but most of all to just be.

Everything is very overwhelming, I struggle to control my emotions but love, love is definitely what is keeping me going. The love of my family, the love of my true friends.

Here's to a new chapter.

Thoughts...

Sometimes things get rough and complicated; they get so bad that your compass can't tell you which way is up. There's no sun, no moon, nothing with a shred of light, all you want to do is sleep because sleeping is easier than admitting that you are without a doubt royaly fucking up. We have so much life in us and some just waste that life away on the most minuscule things. Constantly harboring negative thoughts, always wanting more but never working for more. We become complacent!
Thoughts like "yeah, I'll keep my 9-5 for now and "yeah some day I'll start saving". At the end of the day you don't do any of that, you just sleep.... What a waste.

I'm tired of sleeping.